I hate your face
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
