Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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