I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize