I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
