I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're a waste of cheezeits
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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