Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
