My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
