Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
