whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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