Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His nipple licking is glorious
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