You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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