i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
