it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
