I'm lost and stupid without you.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
