the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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