Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize