had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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