If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
