and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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