I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize