I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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