I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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