The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Pooping to opera.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
