Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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