Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
