3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize