Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
