You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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