is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
