I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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