Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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