what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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