I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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