She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
