Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
