I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
