I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
