so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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