I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
