he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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