Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
