We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
