Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
