it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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