If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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