Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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