oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
