Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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