I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
