I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
