and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
