Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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