Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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