Tell her she can't have a vagina
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
