Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
