You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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