I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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