I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize