I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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