i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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