I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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