Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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