If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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