How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
3 2 1 whiskey
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize