He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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