I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
