First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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