I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
