It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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