when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
