Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize