discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
